Posted by
StillCares on Wednesday, February 18, 2009 1:11:51 PM
Subject: 86-year old lady's letter to bank......
>>>
>>> Shown below, is an actual letter that
>>> was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it
>>> amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
>>>
>>>
>>> Dear Sir:
>>>
>>> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
>>> endeavored to pay my plumber last month..
>>> By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
>>> presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to
>>> honor it.
>>>
>>> I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
>>> pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
>>> years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
>>> opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for
>>> the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the
>>> manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial
>>> ways.
>>>
>>> I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls
>>> and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
>>> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank
>>> has become.
>>>
>>> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
>>> flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
>>> hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
>>> addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom
>>> you must nominate.
>>>
>>> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
>>> person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
>>> Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it
>>> runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as
>>> your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all
>>> copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public,
>>> and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
>>> must be accompanied by documented proof.
>>> In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
>>> which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
>>>
>>> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
>>> have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access
>>> my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
>>> the sincerest form of flattery.
>>>
>>>
>>> Let me level the playing field even further.
>>>
>>> When you call me, press buttons as follows:
>>>
>>> IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
>>>
>>> #1. To make an appointment to see me
>>>
>>> #2. To query a missing payment.
>>>
>>> #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>>>
>>> #4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
>>>
>>> #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
>>> nature.
>>>
>>> #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
>>>
>>> #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
>>> computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date
>>> to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier .
>>>
>>> #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through
>>> 7
>>>
>>> #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then
>>> be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
>>>
>>> #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this
>>> may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for
>>> the duration of the call..
>>>
>>> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
>>> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I
>>> wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Your Humble Client
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> (Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA JUST
>>> GOTTA LOVE ' US SENIORS' !!!!!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> And remember: Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like being old
>>> in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.